"SPLAT!"

My quick little poem for the day:

my heart used to throb,
when i saw ur screen name
it still does,
only now its out of pain.

So today was not so bad. colleen was actually in school today so it wasnt completely horrible but kaleigh saw the cuts i made last night and flipped shit on me. soooo yea but at least someone cares. thank god i have kaleigh. i wish i could show rachel butttt who knows what that would do to her, id say we're like sisters but we really are in every single way exept blood. i've known that kid since i was 3 and we've never run out of things to talk about yet. but shes very...its hard to explain, you just have to know her to understand why i cant tell my very best friend in the entire world that im gay/bi (who really knows) and that i cut... but i love her, i have more fun with her than anyone else in the world.

anyways back to my day...i had to play in my basketball game today and surprisingly i didnt do completely horrible and i wasnt nervous like usual.

i feel so odd today...idk how to explain it, its just like i feel weirdly calm and panicky at the samee time.

so yea. i really want to be able to talk to maggie again like i used to, but i cant. its just so weird actually knowing forsure that the wholeeee time we were talking and stuff she was probably saying the sameeee stuff to sam. and that hurts. a lot.

im so done with relationships. i hate getting hurt. i hate that i fall so quickly and so hard usually my landing is like in the cartoons when they fall off a cliff or something they totally just like splat on the ground. cuz thats totally how it feels for me.... im so gonna just die alone with like 57 cats.

is splat a word??? cuz now that im saying it in my head its sounding more and more wrong...oh well if its not it is now cuz i just made it up. so fuck a moose.


im hungry. im craving cheese puffs....


omgimreallyhungrypeaceout.