i love you too much.
plain and simple.
yea it hurts,
but you cant get rid of me that easily.

LIFE RANT

Everyone that i truly love always has to go and make me miserable at one point or another.

everyone i end up truly loving i cant have.

i honestly believe im meant to die alone. or with a guy.

imfuckinggay. but nooo god has to send this gorgeously hot guy who actually likes me into my life who is absolutely perfect and fucking hot to boot.

and even tho im aware of all this im just not interested in him that way. but god he is so cute and so sweet and funny. all the things i want...INAGIRL.

YA HEAR ME GOD?! IM GAY!



and apparently a bit psycho.


so yea no one ever give me a chance they always just assume whatever they want and it pisses me the hell off. like colleen. she just assumes im always gonna be there to do whatever the fuck she wants me too. well guess what im fucking thru with people treating me like im indisposable.

the world can fuck itself. i've decided i dont need anyone anymore. i can live with out friends. from now on im gonna be a loner. im just gonna get thru whatever i have to and wait until someone worth me comes along. someone that treats me like im a human. someone who actually thinks about me and my feelings before they just.... i dont even know.

existing through these broken times
she stands in the middle of a massive crowd
all she hears is distant chimes
locked away inside her head
shes tuned out everything loud
she doesnt know where shes going or who with
as she looks to the future all she sees is a myth
she isnt happy with where she is
a boy so sweet but she doesnt want to be his
she wants some purpose in her life
until then she has her knife
to keep her company in the dark
the pain she feels is like non other
cold and numb
like a storm cloud here to smother
nothing in her head really makes sense
she makes it up as she goes
with her plastic smile for all to see
all she really wants is them to see ME.


worst poem in the history of poems but it makes sense inside my head.


i havnt found you yet whoever you are but when i do, you have a lot of pent up love for you that i should probably give to people but its comin to you because no one else seems worthy.

give me a chance to find love God. please. I dont care if you have to take something to give it to me. take it. i just want someone to love that will love me back regardless of who i am. because im not having a baby to get it like all those retarded teen girls do.

k im ranting and none of this even makes sense except to me so yea im gonna stop now.
kbye.

HRJ

I suck at poems so im just gonna say it.

You are such an amazing person.
You're there for my no matter what.
Yea you broke my heart, but you're the one here helping to heal it.
I know im whiny, and moody, and a pain in the ass, but you stick by me.
Only you can turn my completely shitty night into a good one so that i can go to sleep happy.
If not for you im positive i'd have a lot more scars on my arms.

You said,
I'm not perfect. I'll annoy you, I'll piss you off, say stupid things, then take it all back. But put all that aside, and realize that you'll never find a girl who cares more about you than me.

But i honestly believe its true.
you dont even think twice when i tell you i need to talk,
you take my side even when im probably wrong,
you tell me what i want to hear when i need to hear it
and what i need to hear when i dont want to hear it.

There has never been anyone that i've cared so much for and im so thankful to have someone like you in my life, even if its a million miles away.


I found this poem and thought of you.

A true friend is the one who picks you up when you fall
A true friend is one that won't lie
A true friend is there when you call
A true friend is there when you want to die
A true friend knows just what to say
A true friend won't care what other people think
A true friend will help you find your way
A true friend will make sure you don't sink
A true friend will help you choose your path
A true friend will know when something is wrong
A true friend has to sometimes face your wrath
A true friend makes you feel like you belong


Thank you from the bottom of my heart for stickin by me thru all this shit i call my life.

i love you.

Definition

Pretty girl, who is to blame
Frightened girl, they don’t know her name
Saddened girl, who cries at night
Distant girl, who’s out of sight
Psycho girl, with scars on her wrists
Fairytale girl, who don’t exist
Silent girl, without a name
Ignored girl, who’s filled with shame
Faking girl, with plastic smiles
Freakish girl, from a thousand miles
Emotionless girl, cant feel much pain
Darkened girl, who brings the rain
Crying girl, tears start to flood
Psychotic girl, who drains her blood
Hated girl, who no one loves
Such a weak girl, who’s no longer tough
Angry girl, there is no cure
Happy girl, she is no more
Hidden girl, she covers her scars
Prisoned girl, lived behind her life’s bars
Crazy girl, who bleeds so much
Lonely girl, who’s out of touch
Stupid girl, who no one likes
Beaten girl, who always fights
Pretty girl, don’t give up now
Suicide girl, there’s someway, somehow
Scared girl, don’t be afraid
Distant girl, don’t go away
Morbid girl, don’t die tonight
Worried girl, it'll be alright
Stoner girl, tonight she'll smoke her sorrow
Alcoholic girl, she'll drink tomorrow
Furious girl, who has no more faith
Depressed girl, who cries and aches
Fallen girl, with broken wings
Disturbed girl, fell off the swing
Pretty girl, you are my friend
Aching girl, just try to mend
Ugly girl, not like before
Beautiful girl, she is no more
Pretty girl, who made her life end
Pretty girl...no...not again...

Some Poem I Found

Lost in a world, that scares me to death,
Lost in a crowd I’m losing my breath,
Lost as a kid, lost as an adultI feel everything is falling apart and its my fault
Lost as a person, cant find my way
Lost in life every day,
Lost in worry
Who am I?
I’ve lived a Lie
Lost to Kindness,
Lost to Love
Lost in the sky,
Like a lonely dove
Lost in thought which I shouldn’t do
It Winds me up,
I can’t get through
Lost to comfort all kind words
Lost to advice that isn’t heard
Lost to those who really care?
All these people always there
Lost in Me, I need a break
Lost in wonder which road should I take?
Lost in a place I don’t know well
Where are you now? There’s no one to tell
Lost here all alone
To break these walls
Lost in mind
Lost in soul
Lost memories, there just a hole
Lost family, lost my place
Still yet I’m full of hate
Lost in boredom think I’ll leave
There’s a lot in life I need to achieve

I have no idea.

Being alone is the best thing thats ever happend to me.

this nite just went from good to absolutely fucking horrible.

i dont even know why the fuck i care.

whatever i dont need anyone or anything.






p.s. try and eat this shit up, because im force feading it to myself.

speaking of support.


btwww i think im gonna use this blog tonight as the person that i would be saying snide/sacastic remarks to.

what the fuck.

apparently my ex is fucking engaged!
well then.

this nite just gets better and better.

Passion

uhm. ihateguys.
i hate guys with a passion.
they make me so fucking irritated.

sooo yea.

guys suck.

=]


p.s. so do emotions.

Existing is rather fun

sooo right now at this time period in my life im sort of just existingg.
i've been feeling very anti social and lazy...
i dont know whats going on with me.
i guess im just waiting for some worth gettin off my ass for,
something worth putting a little effort into.

so i got to be pretty close friends with jordan and i was like head over heels for the chick
and then as soon as we hugged suddenly i was over it.
like the thought of her bored me.
ugh im so fucked up.

i still love my ex...and i hate the distance because idk shes just a few fries short of a happy meal these days and i just want her to be happy. im freakin ecstatic shes on a break with her bf. maybee it'll be like our break when she broke up with me and they'll never end that little break.

jesusss christtt i've been so cynical lately...its bad.

i want a girlfriend soo fucking baddd. its really sad actually. but i just feel like somethings missing in my life. i told my friend i felt that way and shes like "maybe you're missing god?" and im like shut the fuck up. haha.

on the bright sideee my mom might actually let me get highlights.
ill be getting red and im super duper excited. =]

i keep looking at the scars on my arm from where i cut, and i like them...i kind of want more...
which is sick and twisted.

i dont even know whats wrong, but i hate everything, and everything feels wrong, and i feel so alone.

i am alone.

i just need someone to hold me and just tell me to chill out and everything will work itselff out, that already knows evrything and not just the bits and pieces that i thought they'd be able to handle. but that'll never happen haha because im the one always doing that, im the one always taking care of people. i only have 2 people like that and one is waaay to busy with the new love of her life that she wants to be with forever haha and the other just needs me more than i need her right now and her problems are worse.

but has anyone ever thought about me? has anyone ever wondered if theres more to me than a simple smile? that would be a no. because no ones ever bothered to ask but i might not tell them even if they did so kind of redundant, no?



soooooo yea thats my life at this chipper moment.

cassie wants summer. cassie wants to move away. cassie is tired of all these peoples and places.

cassie needs a puppy.
or a baby............
ew too gay to make a baby, we'll stick with a puppy.