this has no title its just a lot of things that have been building in my mind.

i screwed up big time.
i've been sitting here for the past 30 min. trying to put my thoughts and feelings into a stupid poem. and its not working. because I dont even know what im feeling. i know that last night was a little bit extreme. and talking to a certain someone was no help. they're nice but just not what i need to hear. truth is im so fucking lost. me and elizabeth said we'd be friends forever. and look at us. we dont talk like ever we've drifted apart so much. i miss her. and now its happening to hailey and i. we dont even know what to talk about unless either one of us is having a "crisis". half of me wants to fight it, to stay close like we used to be, but the other half on me wonders if it's worth it. maybe us drifting apart is inevitable. i hate it. its so unbelivably unfair. to love someone so much and then wake up one day and realize it will never work. that you will never be together. theres so much insecurity inside of me that nobody ever see's or hears. the fucked up thing w/ long distance reltionships (with me) is that im so freaking insecure, and im always wondering "do they really love me?, do i mean that much to them?, are they interested in someone else at home and just have me on the side? so many questions that haunt the inside of my heart and my mind. i just need to have someone down here that i can be 100% positive about. and thennn when i find gay people that actually like me down here i dont want them, they're so clingy or just not my type. why cant i find my type? am i meant to just be alone? maybe... i have to know so i can just stop trying. i just dont even know anymore. everything in my life is great right now except the part that keeps me alive. sometimes it just doesnt even feel worth living, but i know that if i didnt live it would hurt so many people...
so yea thats my rant, i need a sign to give me some insight on life, but for now i keep living and search for total happiness.

Please message me if you read this, we need to talk but think about me before you say something, you dont know it but i hurt so easily...ill always love you, even as you go on living your life as you should <3