Existing is rather fun

sooo right now at this time period in my life im sort of just existingg.
i've been feeling very anti social and lazy...
i dont know whats going on with me.
i guess im just waiting for some worth gettin off my ass for,
something worth putting a little effort into.

so i got to be pretty close friends with jordan and i was like head over heels for the chick
and then as soon as we hugged suddenly i was over it.
like the thought of her bored me.
ugh im so fucked up.

i still love my ex...and i hate the distance because idk shes just a few fries short of a happy meal these days and i just want her to be happy. im freakin ecstatic shes on a break with her bf. maybee it'll be like our break when she broke up with me and they'll never end that little break.

jesusss christtt i've been so cynical lately...its bad.

i want a girlfriend soo fucking baddd. its really sad actually. but i just feel like somethings missing in my life. i told my friend i felt that way and shes like "maybe you're missing god?" and im like shut the fuck up. haha.

on the bright sideee my mom might actually let me get highlights.
ill be getting red and im super duper excited. =]

i keep looking at the scars on my arm from where i cut, and i like them...i kind of want more...
which is sick and twisted.

i dont even know whats wrong, but i hate everything, and everything feels wrong, and i feel so alone.

i am alone.

i just need someone to hold me and just tell me to chill out and everything will work itselff out, that already knows evrything and not just the bits and pieces that i thought they'd be able to handle. but that'll never happen haha because im the one always doing that, im the one always taking care of people. i only have 2 people like that and one is waaay to busy with the new love of her life that she wants to be with forever haha and the other just needs me more than i need her right now and her problems are worse.

but has anyone ever thought about me? has anyone ever wondered if theres more to me than a simple smile? that would be a no. because no ones ever bothered to ask but i might not tell them even if they did so kind of redundant, no?



soooooo yea thats my life at this chipper moment.

cassie wants summer. cassie wants to move away. cassie is tired of all these peoples and places.

cassie needs a puppy.
or a baby............
ew too gay to make a baby, we'll stick with a puppy.